Everyone says you need to forgive in order to be well
I would say that’s true.
But, we can’t force ourselves to forgive. Have you ever tried to do that? It’s very stressful and usually involves denying some pain that lives in you.
So first I would say, from my experience, forgiveness is a happening. When does it happen? When you have been able to witness that your mind has drawn you into the past trying to right the wrong.
Or, your mind will drag you into the future to create a different outcome or find ways to protect you from it happening again. You will start to see how that pain resides in you and why it keeps circling back around. You will also see that everyone has the same mind…and the same issues with the mind…until we can all see clearly what is happening.
So I would say, love yourself. If you can’t forgive something right now, then love yourself for noticing that. Notice how you are willing to even consider the point. Notice that you are willing to even read this message about forgiveness. You are wonderful.
Here’s an example that might help clarify this perspective on forgiveness.
I was asked by a teenager “what does forgiveness look like out in the world” He said “I can’t forget the horrible thing this person did to me. I can never forget it.”
Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is also not giving up. It is, however, the willingness to show up without the past and be present when you see that person again; to be available for something new to happen. If the same old abuse shows up again, then do whatever feels comfortable in the outside world. You could walk away, or tell them they are hurting you, or any number of things. But unless you show up with an opening for things to be different, you would never know if they are.
If they are different and continue to be different then forgiveness will happen naturally as the old memory fades and is replaced by the new relationship with the other person. You will always remember the old event but it will be more of an old movie than a repetitive loop your mind gets involved in and wants to make right.
But, what if things aren’t different? What if the same abuse shows up when you meet that person again? Then take care of yourself in the outside world. Do what is good for you in that moment. But in your private space, go inside and see what you’re telling yourself, and look for what is unhealed in you. Allow yourself to feel all the pain trapped inside yourself. If this is a karmic journey to complete, then let it be completed by you. Even if someone else put the pain there in the first place, it’s now continuing to repeat inside of you. So it’s now yours to deal with.
Don’t try to change what you see, because you can’t change it anyway. Just notice that it’s happening and the mind starts to see the truth in the creation. This leaves enough space for the Divine to come in and create magic. This magic can’t be explained, and is above the comprehension of the mind. So we don’t need to talk about the details. Just know your Divine Self is working to release the hold this story has on you.
The simple way to say it is; let the story bring up the pain, and then see what’s there without the story. You have to drop the story in order to get at what’s inside.
Just ponder for a moment. If this pain is there so that you can complete a journey that was started a long time ago, then this might be the easiest way to do it. There is a school of thought out there that the pain we have caused others needs to be experienced by us in order for the energy to be freed. Karma is not necessarily a game of an eye for an eye, it’s more a circle of; I need to feel how I made you feel in order for both of us to be complete.
So, when you can feel what you need to feel, and see what there is to see, you get to experience “a happening”…Forgiveness!
7 years ago
Well done, Lauren. Forgiveness and gratitude are essential practices to be well. The sciences have established this to be true – these emotional states are associated with improved function of the autonomic nervous system, hormonal systems, digestion, neurotransmitters, etc. It is a worthy practice for you and others.